Baby blues. I heard a lot about that, but only a few months before getting pregnant. Before that, I truly thought that giving birth was pure joy and nothing else.
Turned out that it’s not that easy.
Just to make things clear, I’m not a doctor nor a professional so I will use some terms that may not be exactly accurate, medically.
Yes, I have experienced postpartum depression. It wasn’t, and still isn’t, very smooth after the birth of my precious ones.
On D-Day, as I’ve mentioned before, I had a medical complication. That was issue number 1. Issue number 2, is that Diane and Alexandre had to go to special care and I was too weak to keep up. I think anyone can understand when I say that the circumstances didn’t really help me.
So what is postpartum depression or baby blues?
I know that the baby blues are a milder version of the postpartum depression, but again, I’m no specialist. So I’m just going to talk about my experience.
1- I felt like an empty soul:
Dramatical, I know. But this is really what I felt. I missed what was inside me. I missed those tiny things moving inside me.
2- I felt like I had to share what was initially only mine:
Inside my womb, there’s this special connexion that was kind of lost when others held them.
3- I didn’t feel like a mom:
I couldn’t project, and I couldn’t relate to that awesome « mom » feeling everyone talks about.
4- If anything, I felt like a failed mom:
I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t feel good enough.
5- I questioned the whole thing:
Should I even have brought them to this cruel place?
Though I’m still battling with some of those feelings, I felt like making it public, just so new moms (and curious future moms) don’t feel bad if they get those feelings: You are NOT alone.
I am also not ashamed to say that I recently did seek professional help, because, as a cool mom once told me: it is not easy to go through those psychological and physical changes in less than a year and it is perfectly okay to not feel okay.
I understand, but this is also a reminder for me, that this does not make me a bad mother. This makes me normal. We love having kids and we love our kids, but we do go through hard times and I bet no man can take what we take (girl power, yo!).
So, awesome moms, if you do not experience the baby blues, consider yourself very lucky, and if you do, do not feel bad about it and do talk to someone.
It is definitely time to stop hiding our feelings, fearing what the society might think of us. We have the baby blues, and we are still awesome moms!